caution: potential spoilers for a gamethat's over nine months old already and follow the same format as every otherentry in the franchise may be included all of pokemon sun and moon and underfive minutes this is professor not oak he's younger and shirtless. i'm sure hewon't matter it's not like he's going to end up being the guy you have to beat tobecome champion. you don't have to identify as agenderjust pick the one that clearly looks like a boy or the one that clearly lookslike a girl. here's a girl running with the duffel bag with eyes new pokemonconfirmed duffelruff! welcome to the game! but first, a tutorial. we're going towave a legendary pokemon in your face
and talk for 20 minutes before you getto pick your starter. time him to pick the fire kitten the baby owl or theretarded seal. the grass one turns into a ghost to make him more appealing thisgeneration. #teamretardedseal time to fight your rival except he pickeda pokemon weak to your type and he picked first. are you the rival? oh no heused leer 3 times he must be a great trainer now it's time to set out on youradventure after 20 more minutes of the shirtless guy with facial hair from 2006barging in your house who's going to show you how to catch a woodpecker nowgo catch a woodpecker and a ladybug time to fight a rival again now he has a babypikachu hope you didn't catch a
woodpecker or a ladybug. time to get apokedex but now it is a face and opinionswelcome to the trainer school where you learn how to play the game you've beenplaying for 20 years hope you're ready for adventure nopetime to learn how to take pictures and shopping oh no it's a gang of peoplewith a add that watched 8 mile too many times.instead of doing dungeons and gym battles now we have trials; which aredungeons and battles. remember how last generation shoved mega evolution downyour throat super powerful and awesome versions of pokemon that you loved wellnow there's alolan forms pokemon from
first generation that you didn't careabout with the different typing ratata has a mustache now good job here's the zcrystal here's an explanation on what it does here's an illustration on what itdoes here's a tutorial on what it does never wandered off because lily isneglectful and she's scared of flowers go save him time to fight your rivalsgrandpa here's the z crystal and a pokemon that you can ride around on yayisland number two i hope there's a bunch of these here's some people who know allabout mega evolutions but don't tell you until after you beat the game. time to fight your rival. his pichu evolved how'd it's friendship get that high already? time to ridearound on a stoutland and learn where you
can leave your ditto or have some. oh?it's an egg! oh? it's an eevee! i hope it gets a new evolution. *buzzer* i hope it gets a new mega evolution *buzzer* i hope it gets a z crystal? here's an emo mercenary thatworks with team eminem. now you can ride around and laparas; just like the lastgame. your challenge is to swim and press "a." do that two more times. good job! here'sa crystal and a fishing rod for magikarp oh look it's not professor oak again...but with a mask and still no shirt let's all battle together this looks like a funlast man standing battle and that ends when one pokemon gets knocked out ohlook it's the mountain let's climb it your next trial is to watch ravingmarowaks. can you spot the difference?
now you can ride a charizard but youcan't catch one. here's the totem pokemon with an actual viable strategy. have funblacking out. here's the head of an organization that wants to takeunsupervised children on a boat ride to apple headquarters. holycrap is apseudo legendary at level 27 too bad there's a magic force field thatprevents you from catching it welcome to island 3 your rival now has the surfingraichu that doesn't know surf. oh look it's a mountain! let's climb it. time for yournext challenge, listening to the sounds made by the guy who runs the imaginaryplace that you go to trade pokemon. oh look it's a mountain... let's climb it.now take pictures of spooky pokemon! have
fun staying here for an hour looking formimikyu. now you can ride a sharpedo just like the last game oh no the gangof rappers that took over a town the trump funded a wall to be built around. let's take on their leader. he has bug types. ...aren't they the weakest? surprise! the sad rent-a-cop is the trial captain time for the fourth island but first anobligatory trip to apple to beat the guy that we just beat this crazy beach haspokemon in suspended animation she killed nebby and disappeared in afloating whohaa. should we follow her? nope. let's take a nap.
welcome to thefourth island, with appropriately leveled trainers and pokã©mon let's go toexeggutor island where, surprise it's an exeggutor!oh boy a horde battle? no time for a grand trial. shouldn't there be othertrials that we do first? nope! time for a grand trial it's time for the last trialis it going to be dragons again ding ding ding look the box legendary that'srequired to progress in the game it opened up a wormhole. maybe we'll seethat hot blond evil lady what the fudge
is that? we beat her in a pokemon battle so...she's almost dead now? nebby is all grown up. let's catch him! get in the bag!i mean ball. time for victory road i bet it'll be a long hard series of usingpokemon abilities to make our way to the veryend of the aaaaaand it's over obligatory rival battle before the elite four timeto take down grandpa the one with the but the creepy one and whoever the hellthis is yay now your champion nope time to fightthe guy who refuses to put on a shirt good job your champion! now go beat thedelta quest which requires you to get
a whole bunch of pseudo legendariesultra beasts. most of them have the catch rate the same as pidgey. now tocomplete the national dex nope well i'm sure there's new pokemon that appear onold routes like the last game well what about our friend safari pay nintendo more money to move your pokemon from the last games. the end. oh boy can'twait for the next game i bet they're
going to play off of the title forpokemon stars eclipse galaxy odyssey?