narrator: we join ash ketchum, along with his companions,misty and brock, on their journey to the pokã©mon league. misty: i feel like we're lost... ...like usual. brock: hey, i'm not the one who lost the map. brock: sure would be nice if we had some kind of*mobile* device that could tell us where we are. pikachu: pii...brock: sure would be nice if we had some kind of*mobile* device that could tell us where we are. ash: nope! just this mobile device that tells us what pokã©mon are! which is really more important! pikachu: pika!
misty [off-screen]: hey, look over there! is that a man? ash [o-s]: wow! he sure is tall... brock: guys, that definitely doesn't look like a human. i think that might be a pokã©mon! pikachu: pikachu! ash: oh wow! time to use my trusty pokã©dex! pokã‰dex: "data not found." ash [o-s]: huh?!
misty [o-s]: and technology has failed us... perfect cell: excuse me! children, over there! ash: it can talk?! misty: just like meowth! per. cell: are you here for the tournament? because people keep showing up early to fight me,and honestly, it's really starting to get old. i mean, i set a date. the least people could do is wait for it... ash: you guys, i'm gonna' battle it! per. cell: oh, well, i guess that answers that question.
ash: let's see... i can't tell what type it is, so let's try... squirtle, go! squirtle: squirtle! per. cell: wait, so *you're* not going to fight me? ash: of course not! this is a pokã©mon battle! pokã©mon vs. pokã©mon! per. cell: ok, you're saying that word, but i don't know what-- ash: squirtle, he's distracted!use water gun!
squirtle: squirtle! squirt! per. cell: well, today has been rather muggy, so... thanks? ash: oh no! it didn't have any effect! per. cell: so, do i just... i'm just going to attack back, is that ok? ash: squirtle, use skull ba--! per. cell [o-s]: ha! squirtle: squirt! ash: that was *solar beam*! per. cell: did you say solar flare?because that's a totally~ dif--
ash: no wonder water didn't work on him! he's a grass-type pokã©mon! per. cell: all right, this seems a lot like that card gamethe boy with the leather pants played with me. is this duel monsters? 'cause it feels like duel monsters. ash: charizard, go~! per. cell: whoa, is that a friggin' dragon?! 'cause i'm gonna be honest - that's pretty metal! brock: actually, it's neither a steel-type,nor a dragon-type! per. cell: ...
ash: charizard! use flamethrower! charizard: (dragon roar (?)) per. cell: well, now i'm dry so, good job. managed to give me a steam bath. ash: fire wasn't effective either! man, nothing i do is fazing it! per. cell: the name's cell, by the way! could have at least asked before youstarted throwing critters at me. ash: you're pretty strong...
ash: but pikachu and i have fought more battles than i can count! pikachu: pii!ash: but pikachu and i have fought more battles than i can count! per. cell: not a high number, i'm sure. ash: and if there's anyone that can beat you, it's him. go, pika--! jessie [through speakers]: not so fast, twerps! james [ts]: we're here, we're queer, get used to it! jessie [o-s]: wrong time, wrong place, james... james [o-s]: sorry, jessie, sorry!let's just... start the thing.
jessie: prepare for trouble! james: and make it double! jessie: to protect the world from devastation! james [ts]: to unite all peoples within our nation!per. cell: ok, *what the f**k* is this fever dream?! jessie [ts]: to denounce the evils of truth and love!ash [o-s]: those guys are here to steal my pikachu! james [ts]: to extend our reach to the stars above!per. cell: ok, so you *know* these guys. james [ts]: to extend our reach to the stars above!ash [o-s]: yeah! they're-- jessie: jessie! james: james~!
jessie [ts]: team rocket blas--! [the usual tr screams] {ping} per. cell: dicks out for those guys, amirite? brock: ...are they gonna be ok? misty: do you honestly care? brock: ...no. i actually don't. ash: alright, then. back to the pokã©mon battle! pikachu! i choose--!
per. cell: ok, all right, real talk? i'm not a pokã©mon, ok? i don't even know what they are,like, wha-- what is a pokã©mon? ash: it's a... "pocket monster". per. cell: are they in your pocket? ash: no - they're on my belt. in pokã©balls. per. cell: then they're not pocket monsters! *they're*... belt monsters.
*ball* monsters! no, no, no, they're *capsule* monsters! and you *duel* with them! so, they're *goddamned duel* monsters! ash: th-- then, you're not a pokã©--? per. cell: no, i am not a goddamn pokã©mon! now get out of here, before i murderyou and your little yellow rat! also, the guy who keeps squinting atme and your ginger girlfriend! sh-sh-shoo, sh-sh-shoo.
ash: c'mon, pikachu. let's go find us a pokã©mon center. pikachu: pika~! per. cell: oh my god, this is the longestseven days i've ever waited in my life. i should've scheduled it for a wednesday. kill everyone on hump day! insult to injury, th-- ...*is that f**king freeza*?! [dbz intermission (post-commercial)] hey guys, my name is stefan, and i was your editor for this video, i hope you enjoyed it!
if you did, you may also enjoy the crossover videoteam fourstar did with pokã©mon abridged, ash vs. cell! and when you're done with that, maybe check outepisode 2 of my show, fist master. it's an animated show that commenters have beensaying is like dragonball z meets rick and morty. so, maybe check those things out if you want.