#66 - #68: Machop, Machoke & Machamp

Fan art of a brave little Machop.

The following Pokémon are probably the strongest Pokémon in existence. And with that I don't mean that they have the highest attack stats in the game or something.

No, Machop can carry multiple times its own weight with muscles that never tire or cramp. Machoke's muscles are even as hard as steel and it is capable of lifting extremely heavy objects with just one finger. Just imagine what it could do without the freaking belt it is wearing, because that thing regulates Machoke's strength. However, the strength of Machop and Machoke combined is nothing compared to Machamp's. Brace yourselves, because it's gonna get crazy: Machamp can MOVE AN ENTIRE GODDAMN MOUNTAIN WITH JUST ONE HAND!!! Can you imagine a bodybuilder Pokémon of barely five feet tall moving Mount Everest? Well, apparently Machamp can do that. Never mind the five hundred punches per second it can throw at somebody, or the strength with which it swings its foe far over the horizon; it can move a mountain 5,530 times its own height. Now that is a fighting-type Pokémon with an interesting flavor. Machamp is so different from Primeape, who can only start rampaging for absolutely nothing, and Poliwrath, who doesn't even have any distinctive features aside from being able to swim fast. The only downside to Machamp is that it is all brawn and no brains, as it cannot handle delicate work without its four arms becoming tangled and it rushes into action without thinking.

Fan art of a fierce and fearsome Machamp.

Machamp, who can be female despite its name (which is derived from macho, a Spanish term for 'overly masculine' or 'chauvinist'), is a great Pokémon to use competitively. Its 130 base attack nowhere near meets its flavor text, but it is still nothing to sneeze at. Like, at all. Its decent HP and defenses allow him to take a few hits, especially when it is holding an Assault Vest. That is necessary, because Machamp isn't the fastest Pokémon in the world. It comes with at least two great abilities: No Guard, which let all of Machamp and its opponent's moves land despite move accuracies, and Guts, which boosts its attack stat when it has a status ailment. The first lets Machamp land a Dynamic Punch, which normally has 50% accuracy but always confuses the target when it hits, with no problem at all. That could be handy, as Machamp receives STAB from it, while the confusion can gain him some extra turns. When you run a Guts Machamp, you'd do wise to replace Dynamic Punch with Close Combat and attach a Flame Orb or Toxic Orb to Machamp instead of a Life Orb, Choice Band or Assault Vest. You could keep either of the latter three, but if you do that it won't get a Guts boost until it has a static ailment, which would be completely situational and might not work out in your favor. By giving Machamp a Toxic or Flame Orb, you can poison or burn it (these status conditions only cause a little damage each turn, while the attack drop from the burn is negated because of Guts) and prevent paralysis and sleep.

Such a macho family, innit? From left to right: Machamp (final evo), Machop (basic
stage), and Machoke (middle stage).

Now, as for the moves Machamp learns, there is one weird thing. You see, the Pokédex classifies Machamp and its pre-evolutions as 'superpower Pokémon', which isn't even a lie; these creatures are crazy strong. The thing is, however, that they cannot learn the move Superpower naturally. They learn a wide arrange of fighting-type moves that perfectly fit them, and ORAS even gave them the dragon-type move Dual Chop to boast about, but to learn Superpower they need the intervention of a Move Tutor. And such a person isn't even present in every core-series game, mind you. Not that Superpower is such a useful move if you have Close Combat on Machamp, but it's such a pity it doesn't learn the one move that really defines it flavor...

Well, whatever. The rest of its movepool consists of much better moves, anyway. First off, you should definitely teach it Knock Off, which deals double its base damage (65) if the opponent is holding an item. That's a clean 130 damage right there. The elemental punches can come in handy as well, but Ice Punch is the handiest due to dragon types. As so many Pokémon, Machamp can learn Earthquake, Poison Jab and Stone Edge, the latter of which is nice in combination with its ability No Guard, as it has fairly low accuracy. As for punching moves, Machamp can learn the fighting-type move Focus Punch, as well as the weaker steel-type move Bullet Punch for priority, but Game Freak are yet to give him Mach Punch (also for priority) and Drain Punch (for some reliable recovery), both of which are fighting-type moves. This is tiring, Game Freak. Do your goddamn job.

Machoke (left) and Machamp (right) trying to build a fragile Pokémon TCG card
house without ruining it with their super strength, while Machop is watching on
Machoke's back.

The Machop line are an interesting bunch, to say the least. They're probably the most humanoid Pokémon out there, along with Smoochum and Jynx, Hariyama, Hitmonchan, and the Gothita line. Mime players and clowns freak me out, so don't even dare mention Mr. Mime. (Oh shit, now I did that. Just great.) Anyhow, rating this Pokémon wasn't an easy job. I love these Pokémon, but there are so many flaws in their designs (what are the red stripes on Machoke supposed to be, and why doesn't Machamp have them; and why does Machoke have a purplish color, while Machop and Machamp are grey?), and there are so many things in the game that fail to connotate with their flavor texts (like Superpower and those fighting-type punching moves), that I have to deduct at least one star from my original rating. Too bad.

Rating: 4/5